War Between the Vanities
by lia veex2
Summary: Lily Evans had no intention of ever dating James Potter. Then again, our intentions are merely promises invented by our vanities. For them to be broken would mean to explore new possibilities one previously believed they'd have to be mad to discover. One that may mean love.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Technically, this is the prologue-like bit, but instead I'm just calling it chapter one, because doesn't do prologue chapters. Rated M for language and alcohol use. Quite a bit, I might add. **

War Between the Vanities

By lia veex2

**PART ONE: **Like Old Friends

**CHAPTER ONE: **Prologue

Punctuality had never been something Lily Evans often possessed. Often her desire for a marvelous, adventurous life had gotten in the way of being on time for any event. It was her choice, the matter. If given the option of making it to a destination with the snap of her fingers, and taking a walk down to her destination, she'd choose the latter in a heartbeat.

She enjoyed the simple things in life, she did. With taking the walk, will come the sightseeing. Whether it be lush green hills and valleys, or the less enjoyable crowded place where a conversation heard is unlikely, she lived the moment for what it was – life. And she preferred it that way. The destination did not much matter to her – that much was already set. But the journey was unpredictable, and exciting, and new, and that, to her, was life. That was what gave her the most immense amount of pleasure.

Not many could say the same about James Potter. His pleasure was found in the destination itself. He wanted to skip all the rubbish green hills and annoying people along the way and get to the good stuff. Life is short – why waste it on things that are unlikely to shape it?

Polar opposites, they are, Lily and James. Different views on life meant different views on practically everything. Perhaps this was why their love story made for such an interesting one. Perhaps this was why they were so perfect for each other, and why everyone else thought so. Everything missing from James – modesty, sensitivity, patience – was found in Lily. Everything that Lily lacked – self-respect, trust, candidness – had been possessed by James. It was simply nature, how these two belonged to the other like pieces of a puzzle. But their views of love are much similar to their views on journeys and destinations. Unfortunately, for James, it may take a while to get to the final destination. Unfortunately, for Lily, the journey there may be difficult, and filled with hardships. Yet, to them, the forthcoming journey would be the best journey, and they would not want to miss a single moment.

**A/N: Ok, I truly have no idea why I posted my prologue already, what? I haven't even written chapter one, yet. I mean, chapter two. Damn this prologue-chapter-thing. Ugh. Okay. But you know what will really motivate me to write chapter two? Your reviews. I know, I know, you can't really review such a short bit, but it'll really make me happy. And get me off the internet to write. Okay, bye _x_****_ Julia_**


	2. Chapter 2 - Simply Be

**A/N: Thanks so, so, so much to JustTrippin, EmeraldStorm7, Ms D Longbottom, and Nicole for reviewing. It means a lot, truly. Here's chapter one/two! It's a tad slow & short, but definitely necessary in order to move things along. I promise, by the next few chapters, the story will really get going. **

**CHAPTER TWO: **Simply Be

There's always a place where you feel free to be sad. Oftentimes, if you're the prideful sort, that place is somewhere you're alone. When something big happens in front of a large crowd, you want to keep strong in that very moment. You fight the tears and struggle to look indifferent about the whole matter. But you know you can't do it much longer, so you run – whether physically or mentally, it's all the same – to your place. A place of utter solitude, where you can simply be.

Lily's place was the Gryffindor common room at three in the morning. She had draped herself across the sofa, still in her nightgown. Now, being Lily Evans, she was of the very dramatic sort, so she had set fire to the wood in the fireplace to provide a very sort of sad atmosphere. With the dim fire, its shadows dancing along various surfaces of the room, the chill of the night, and the quiet solitude, it was indeed a sad place to be, and therefore perfect for Lily.

She had come down in the first place because she couldn't sleep. No, perhaps no one could possibly sleep when they've got a situation such as Lily's. So when she had given up on this seemingly impossible task, she had come down here to think. Thinking is dangerous, her father would always say. Thinking raises doubts for things that don't much deserve them. Thinking too much can easily frustrate a person and turn them mad with aggravation with the sense that they cannot do anything about their situation, or even with the sense that they have to everything in order to fix their situation.

But one of the worst things about thinking is that, it just happens. You can't really stop it. It just happens. Take Lily. She didn't ask for memories of the past evening to flood her mind as she lay in the common room. She didn't ask to relive the moment, wondering _what_went wrong and _how_it could have been different. It just happened. A part of her persuaded her to fix things, as the other told her to leave it, for it was probably the best. It was this little indecisive instinct that brought upon the thinking.

Ah, but the night, and perhaps Lily's sanity, was saved, when Lily heard footsteps coming down one of the staircases. She didn't bother to move. Whoever would come down would see her like this, and she didn't really care.

"Lily?"

She picked her head up, and saw Jo McKinnon standing behind the sofa.

"Hullo, Jo," said Lily casually.

"I – er – saw your bed empty. Just wondering where you've been to."

"Here. Been to here."

Jo nodded slowly, staring at the ground. She glanced at Lily every so often, looking as if the latter may catch fire at any moment. She gave a deep sigh and walked around to the armchair besides Lily's sofa.

"Alright, Lily," she said determinedly, perching on the chair's cushioned arm. "This time, I'm going to ask, and you're going to answer truthfully."

"Erm, what?" Lily sat up, brushing aside her red hair.

"Answer honestly. Don't give that 'I'm fine' rubbish, like you did earlier before bed." Jo's quiet tones had quickly evolved into harsher ones. "Honestly, now. Are you alright?"

Lily stared at her hands in her lap, allowing her hair to fall from behind her ears so that it shrouded her face from Jo's view. Of course she wasn't alright. But why should she say so to a girl she barely knew?

"I'm fine," Lily said. Jo scoffed.

"Oh, yeah. You're fine. Sure. It's three in the morning and you're in the common room, staring at the ceiling. Your best friend called you a you-know-what. And ho! Would you look here? She's fine!"

"Everything alright down here?"

The two girls turned at the new voice. Roy Cooper stood at the bottom of the boys' dormitory staircase, a worried look on his face.

"I heard voices," he explained.

"Everything's fine," Jo said, standing up. "According to Lily anyways. Now, Roy. You were once at a point in your lifetime when you were in dire need of nurturance. Correct?"

"Sorry, what?" Roy said, as Jo put her arm around his shoulders.

"Answer the question, Cooper."

"Erm – er – yeah, I – I guess," said Roy, after taking a few seconds to think about it. "What exactly are you on about?"

"And what was your situation at the time?" Jo asked.

"Jo –" Lily interrupted, having a good idea where she was going with this.

"Shush, Lily, I'll get back to you in a minute," she said without looking at her. She directed at Roy: "Fourth year. Your parents were divorcing, correct?"

Roy looked extremely uncomfortable. Usually, he was full of confidence and poise. Lily had never seen him so unpleasant.

"Er. Yeah. Why are you bringing this up?"

"Jo –" tried Lily again, now pushing herself off the sofa.

But Jo ignored her. "And who was there for you like no other, Roy? Who, when they had received the news, had seeked you out for a talk? Who brightened your spirits and told you it'll get better?"

It was Lily's turn to stand uncomfortably. It was her, obviously, who had done all those things for Roy, and Jo was now using the point that Lily had helped them out once so it only made sense if they would want to help her.

Roy sighed and looked at her before answering: "Lily."

She smiled softly at him, remembering how she had sat with him by the Gryffindor fireplace and talked to him, telling him funny stories, offering to head down to the kitchens for any comfort food. She had truly comforted him.

Lily then switched her gaze to Jo, who smiled at her. Lily knew then that she was remembering the time Lily boosted her confidence after the former had been stood up at the Three Broomsticks.

"So, see, Lily," said Jo. "We only want to help."

"Yeah," Roy said. "I'm up for a heart-to-heart conversation. Oh, I didn't mean that sarcastically. Really."

Lily laughed, then. Even so, she couldn't help wondering if they even actually cared about her, or if they thought they were supposed to do this. They were her friends, yes, but she had never been close to them. Her friendship with Severus had been enough to ensure that a close friendship with a Gryffindor was out of the question.

Jo and Roy (and Dorcas, as well, though she was likely sleeping at this moment) were the few who had befriended Lily. The only reason they _had_was because she had helped them at some point in their lives and they had probably thought _Hey, she's not all bad._ She had talked to them, comforted them, and in doing so, earned their most basic friendship. The only thing that prevented it from going any further was her ties to Severus Snape.

Friends as they were, Lily still could not resist asking: "Can I ask – do you truly care? Do you genuinely care how I feel? Or do you feel you have to – I don't know, return the favor?"

"Lily," Jo said sternly, "D'you think I would really be up at three in the morning if I didn't care? Hell, I wouldn't have gotten out of bed if I didn't give a shit."

Lily shrugged, feeling her eyes prickle with tears. _Why am I crying?_

For a terrible moment, Lily believed she really was going to cry. Full out, complete-with-estranged-noises cry. The effect of realizing she didn't really have anyone other than Sev hit hard. That the only person who did genuinely care about her had called her a mudblood not twelve hours ago.

Of course she was grateful for Jo and Roy. Of course she was glad that, if she chose to, she'd have someone to go to with her problems. Her only issue was that she could no longer go to Severus. She could no longer rely on him. Instead, it seemed she now must do so to people who had kept her at an awkward, icy distance before. But then, this left unanswered questions. Was she still friends with Sev? Did he still want to be friends with her?

Did _she_ want to friends with _him_?

She didn't want to answer that. She wouldn't; not yet, anyway. She shook off the thought. Anymore and she definitely would have cried.

Despite the struggle against it, she cried anyway.

She was not fine. Oh no, she was not. So many years believing that Sev accepted her. He was the only one she felt right with. And now? To have known what he truly thought of her all along? It stung. More than Lily would ever like to admit.

Lily attempted to stifle her sobs with her hand, but it was in vain, for her cries were uncontrollable. Eventually, there came the feel of arms enclosing around her. Lily stiffened, initially not accepting. But as it became harder to deny any comfort, she loosened herself and nestled her face into Jo's dirty blonde hair.

"I don't suppose now is a good time to say 'I told you so,'" she muttered, as Lily's sobs began to lessen.

_Pick yourself up, Lily. Merlin's sake, look at you._

"No need to cry, now," said Roy. "He's not worth it, Lily. He's an arse."

Lily pushed herself away from Jo, rubbing her eyes with the back of her hands. Embarrassed to have cried in front of them, she nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, you're right."

Then, at that very moment, the sound of voices outside the portrait hole was heard. Telling from the raised voices and hardened tones, Lily deduced that the voices belonged to several upset blokes. Then, the portrait opened to reveal James Potter, who stormed in the common room. Only when he came halfway across the common room did he see Lily and the others there as well.

He stopped walking, and raised his previously lowered head to look at Lily. Almost instantly, his furrowed eyebrows came apart, and his eyes softened. He unrolled his tight fists and he sighed deeply. There was something about the thin line of his lips that comforted Lily, yet frightened her all the same. Perhaps it was how they frowned with an intense worry, and maybe what frightened her was the tight pull of them, indicating some sort of resisted anger. Or maybe it was the cut at the corner, obviously fresh, telling from the small amount of blood running from it. Not only was there a cut at his lips, but a slightly larger one near his right eye, scarlet with blood.

With the acknowledgement of the cuts, came the acknowledgement of his clothing. His faded black t-shirt, covered in patches of dirt and grass, hung limply on his skinny figure. His gray trousers were torn at the side, with a long rip about a foot long. And he was barefoot, his feet red as if they'd been walking on rocks.

James shifted his weight, looked back at the open portrait hole warily, and back at Lily, before stuttering out: "You'll be ok. I'm sorry."

Then he tightened his fists again and climbed up the boys' staircase.

The source of the other voices Lily had heard came stumbling through the portrait hole. Sirius Black and Peter Pettigrew were in relentless banter as they stomped in.

"I already told him, alright?" said Sirius.

"Well, that's not really enough to make up for what you did."

"What the hell am I supposed to do then? Kiss his feet and have a lovely chat about our feelings?"

"Anything's better than simply hoping he'll forgive you."

Both were silent, then. They glared at each other hatefully, Peter with much more of a sad rather than angry look.

Sirius was the first to walk away, storming up the boys' staircase. "James. James! Damn it, Prongs, open the bloody damn door!"

"Yes, shouting is a lovely way to earn forgiveness," remarked Peter. When he rolled his eyes, he caught sight of the others, who had witnesses the recent episode.

"Erm. Hello," he said awkwardly.

"What happened?" asked Roy.

Peter sighed heavily, shaking his head. "It's a really long story."

_-JAMES –_

With every step in the stone corridor, James felt limited. The anger he felt triggered and intense pulse that ran throughout his whole body. As his feet pounded against the stone, he became overwhelmed with a strange sensation, similar to claustrophobia. He felt enclosed, pack tightly, despite the wide corridor. Though, this feeling of being trapped was more internal rather than external. It was as if the molecules in his body were constricted to a small pit in his stomach. His control was the bound, the limit to which he could set himself. It was how much he could reveal, and the more he didn't do so, the more internally packed he felt.

So it was him and control. They've never been on good terms, those two. But as James walked in the corridor alone, with only the torch lights guiding him, he felt he could handle it. Only if not provoked.

It was on the staircase to Gryffindor tower that Sirius and Peter caught up to James.

"James," said Sirius.

"Go away," James replied.

"James."

"I don't need this."

"Come on, mate-"

"_What?"_

The taller of the two turned angrily to face the other.

"Talk to me," said Sirius earnestly.

"No." James swiveled on his heel and began marching up the stairs again.

"James – Prongs, mate – "

"Go to hell."

"I'm sorry, I don't- I didn't mean to – I didn't think –"

"You know what I want to hear besides your stupid apologies?" said James, turning once again to face Sirius. "I want to know – why you did it. What the _bloody_ hell was going through your _bloody _head? Hmm?"

Sirius stared at his friend, his lip trembling. Peter came up to the two of them.

"James, back off, mate," he said quietly. He did not.

"James. James, get off him," said Peter, pushing James away. The latter shook off Peter's hands angrily, and walked forward, towards the portrait hole.

Sometimes, James wished he wasn't born magical. He felt like anything was possible this way, and he didn't much like anything. With anything came good things, but what came with the good things, also came the bad things. The bad things – such as a friend almost getting someone killed – hit hard. James feels as if the bad does a lot worse than the good that good does.

And when he walked into the common room, fuming with anger at his closest friend, the thoughts that pounded against his head went against everything he ever believed in. That, maybe, friends weren't worth having. Yeah, they made him smile and laugh like an idiot. But they also caused him the greatest anger he had ever felt. Whether this would pass, he didn't know.

What he wanted was somewhere to simply be. Simply forget about everything tonight, simply rid of the bad things in an instant, simply, simply, simply. To simply be.

But then, when he looked up into Lily Evans's soft eyes from across the common room, he found his somewhere. And it was simple.

**A/N: Thanks for reading! _x_****_ Julia_**


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